and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
