So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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