i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
