If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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