So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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