My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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