the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Enjoy the penises
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
