I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
