I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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