His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
