I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
