weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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