then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
