Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
