i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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