I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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