i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
whose ass print is on the piano?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
