she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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