I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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