Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
