PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
