drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
