South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
