you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
They have beer where we have blood.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
