Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
