she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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