walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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