Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
