I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
