1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
