dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
