Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
