i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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