mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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