did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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