I look better un-naked...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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