Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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