You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
