My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
