are you so shy because you have an std?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
