My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just cropdusted the office
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
