I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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