Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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