My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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