How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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