Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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