i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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