Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
