Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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