Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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