she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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