I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
