Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
