She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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